Im walking down a busy city street with a goal in my mind...a goal I cant remember. I do remember being dispatched along with the rest of a group, which Im supposed to be a part of, while a voice of authority is telling us to mark streets and avenues on our map. I look down and see the pen and paper in my hand but I ignore it and continue to walk. My other goal is much more important (The goal I cant remember).
My progress is stopped by a voice I recognize but cant place and from out of the crowd comes someone I know but can't remember.
"I found it" she says.
"Found what?"
"My tape you dolt. I found
my tape. Listen"
She immediately places her head phones on my ears and through them I hear her, who ever she is, repeating "Kill yourself" over and over again.
"Well, Im done so Im heading back to meet with everyone else. Meet you back there in twenty minutes?"
"Sure, I guess."
She turns to leave with a bemused expression on her face when I stop her and ask "Is that my goal aswell? To find my tape?"
Through the bustling crowd she yells "Kill yourself!"
And she's gone.
Despite what she said, I start to think that my goal is to find my tape so I start to wander yet again.
I continue to run into people whom I should know but cant remember. Each with their own unique item that they "finally found". Each of them repeating a simple phrase.
"I abhor you"
"Kill everyone"
"Nobody cares"
"Nothing is important"
The last person I met was different. He told me where to go.
"There's a warehouse 2 blocks up you need to go into." he said with an extreme amount of ferocity.
"But it doesnt matter if you find
it or not. You'll still be pathetic. You'll still die a fool. So why dont you just get it over with? KILL YOURSELF!"
Not suprised that a step in the right direction would acompany such ferocity, I ignore him and head to the warehouse. But through the crowd I hear whispered voices saying "Do it".
Men in suits. "Do it"
Homeless people slouched against a wall. "Do it"
Everyone around me, with each step I take. "Do it"
All I can do is ("Do it") laugh out loud.("Do it") Bursting into ("Do it") hysterics while I stumble through the ("Do it") crowd.
People blur past me through hazy eyesight, knocking me off balance as they brush against my shoulder. It's a struggle to remain standing and despite my efforts, I collapse on the steps of a building.
The steps of the warehouse.
Each person passes by and gives me a look of disgust.
I regain my composure and enter the warehouse where I see you waiting calmly at the reception desk.
You greet me with a smile and say "Come on, Ill take you to what you are looking for."
How I felt...
Surpise: To strike with wonder, astonishment, or confusion, by something sudden, unexpected, or remarkable; to confound; as, her conduct surprised me.
...but with joy thrown in aswell.
Nothing prepared me for this. I was astonished by you, and the warehouse itself.
Rows upon rows of slim green vats, and in each was a person resembling me in some way. Just like something out of a bad science fiction movie. It was like I had been cloned a thousand times over.
"Is that what Im supposed to find? Myself?"
"Not quite. You'll see."
With your hand on my shoulder you led me through the massive warehouse to vat number 837 where you stopped and said "This is it. Take this to the reception desk." and after a pause "Im sorry, but I have to go. Good luck". And with that, you left.
All that was left for me to do was to take this vat to the reception desk and upon arrival, the receptionist said "Good, you found it. Now just give me a second to get you what you need"
The receptionist then proceeded to take the body (me)out of the vat, placed it (me) on the reception desk and then cut out it's (my) heart. After it was removed, he gave it to me and said "Here, looks like you already need this pretty badly".
Looking at the (my) heart in my hand, I noticed the stark contrast between it and my skin. Red on grey. My skin was as dry, dusty and dead as that of a corpse.
"So what do I do with it? I cant just shove it in my chest now can I?"
"No, you're right. You cant just shove into your chest. Thats not why Im giving it to you."
Just as I was about to ask it's actual purpose the voice of authority came from behind me yet again, telling me that I have kept everyone waiting.
And thats all I can remember of that dream.
